Do People Ever Change for the Better?

The simple answer to this question is YES! People can change for the better! But before that gives you hope and solidifies you within toxic relations with people, we must review a few key points.

First and foremost, reflecting on yourself is key within every relationship. Because our brains possess our egos, they want to protect them at all costs. Regarding romantic or platonic conflicts, our brain will point fingers and immediately blame others or circumstances for something going wrong.

So, the first thing you need to do is assess yourself. Are you insecure due to your past? Do your morals and values align with those who surround you? Do you harbor bitterness towards someone or something that may bring unnecessary baggage into a new relationship? Do you practice any toxic habits or have any addictions that break trust barriers due to not being in a clear state of mind? Are you someone who brings your friends and family into your relationships so you can feel validated when something goes wrong? Do you have difficulty communicating or holding yourself accountable for your actions or reactions to issues?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, chances are you will find yourself experiencing toxic relationships. Unfortunately, when we refuse to work on ourselves, we often attract partners and friends with similar poisonous traits. So the truth is, if you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, I can almost guarantee you that you also have things you need to work on.

One of the most self-sabotaging things I ever did was let my family and friends have a front-row seat to my personal life. The validation they all gave me and the constant “you deserve better!” speeches ultimately fed my ego to a point where I thought I was pretty “perfect” until I turned 35 and realized I was a single divorced mother with little show for my life.

It occurred to me there is no “perfect.” Not in me, and certainly not in a potential partner. But here’s what was also revealed to me.

Most people who are in marriages or relationships are not happy. BOTH parties are not flowing in the same direction, which will show in their unhealthy lifestyles and how they operate together and independently.

Becoming comfortable in a relationship is ultimately the death of romance, chivalry, understanding, and attraction. People begin to take each other for granted, and resentment can build. While it’s nice to walk around in front of your partner with sweatpants and present them with the “real” you, that momentum of becoming better cannot cease. Just because you won the prize and feel like this person is officially yours doesn’t mean it’s time to get comfortable.

Not only that, but often, when we get comfortable, so does our partner. When this happens, many partners quit bettering themselves because they get into a routine that works and flows effectively. However, just because it flows smoothly doesn’t mean it’s flowing in an upward direction. Many times, it’s flowing but in a constant circle.

So, the question remains. Can people change for the better? Absolutely. However, nine times out of ten, you are being forced to change through the people God places in your life for a limited time. Eventually, when you give yourself the love you deserved all those previous years, God will place your forever person within your life.

Then again, some beautiful stories can end with two people discovering themselves on independent healing and self-discovery paths while separated. Only to have God bring them back together when they are fully ready. This is in God’s time. Not your own.

When that is the case, your soul will let you know. I promise.

In the meantime, take control of yourself. Ultimately, the more work and time we spend on ourselves, the more we find ourselves one step closer to discovering a real happily ever after, not just one you ended up settling for.