The Barbaric Gift of Being Rejected

Rejection might be one of the most feared emotions we can experience. When we aren’t accepted or wanted by people, our self-worth can take a critical hit. Many of us believe that if we don’t fit in or our company is not wanted by someone that it means we are lacking in some area. We’ll spend days racking our brains thinking, “I thought I was a great person. What is really wrong with me?”

Thankfully, our subconscious is there to completely dismantle any positive thought you have of yourself and makes the logical conclusion that you are being rejected because you’re completely flawed. If you’re anything like me, you allow each rejection you experience to further validate that you are in fact, unlovable. (Thanks a lot subconscious!)

I have spent a long time working on myself since my first spiritual awakening. I had my first awakening at 26 years old and that’s when I started to turn my life around. I settled down and had a family, but still had this dying need to feel loved and accepted, regardless of my past mistakes and some current struggles I was still trying to overcome.

I accumulated codependency in every relationship I had. I counted on the other person to affirm my worth by over-giving, changing myself to be their idea of “dream girl”, and essentially suffocating them because I was scared to lose them. Over the years I convinced myself that every man I shared my life with was “the one” only to have my “happily ever after” fall apart time and time again. All that did was continued to authorize the fact that I am unlovable.

I went through a divorce when my daughter was just six months old, only to find myself head over heels for my Twin Flame, Brandon, during the divorce from my ex-husband. (For those of you who don’t know, a twin flame relationship is much like a soulmate, only a twin flame is someone who shares the same soul as you. They mirror you in a way that illuminates the traumas you have suppressed within yourself. They bring you ultimate healing through a deeper connection than you have ever felt with someone. This type of relationship is very painful but brings you the most joy in the long run. You hold many unexplainable synchronicities in your lives as well, which is how you discover you’re a twin flame. For instance, Brandon’s birthday is one day before mine, we both got plastic surgery at age thirteen by the same doctor at the same facility, we both have half of a fake tooth in the same spot in our mouths, and many times we will say the same thing at the same time. Those are just to name a few. :))

With that being said, twin flames go through stages in their relationship.

1. Preparing to meet
2. The Awakening (aka. meeting)
3. The Conflict (or test)
4. The Crisis
5. The Runner/Chaser
6. The Separation
7. The Reunion

Brandon and I read up on all these stages from the very beginning and have now been together for almost three years. Last year, Brandon asked me to marry him after a huge health scare, I experienced. I always looked at number six, and thought, we will NEVER go through a separation phase, especially after getting engaged. I love him more than I can breathe, and I couldn’t imagine ever being away from him.

As we moved through the phases of this twin flame relationship, we spent a good year or longer in the Runner/Chaser phase. As you might imagine I was the chaser. Let’s just say when you’re trying to heal the deepest trauma you have suppressed for decades, and the person you love the most is the one shedding light on it, one of you is going to run and try to hide from it, and the other is going to utilize those past traumas and do what they know to do best- chase and cling as tightly as they can to the runner.

Arguing began to grow into a regular conversation- mainly over little things which eventually grew into bigger things. Till one day, the runner got tired of running and asked for “a break” from us.

I felt like my heart had been ripped from my body. I had put all this effort and energy into loving him and when I felt the ultimate rejection of him not wanting to be around me anymore, it was as if my heart could literally stop beating. I felt like a piece of me had died as I spent two days in bed crying till my eyelids swelled up.

Today, as I write this article, we have been on a “break” from our relationship for 22 days. For me, it feels like an eternity. We live together and have completely merged our lives. What’s his is mine and vice versa. We’ve created a home for our blended family and going through this without letting our kids know exactly what’s going on has been torturous. However, it was after the third day, that I realized I wasn’t going to die from this. That somehow, I was going to be OK.

I’ve spent the days trying to focus on myself and my daughter. I did a lot of self-reflection and self-care. It was in the second week when I realized the gift that rested within being rejected.

Because I was forced to be alone and to sit with the pain, it made me realize the deepest wounds within myself that I don’t think I would have ever discovered had I not been rejection by the person I love and connect with the most.

For whatever reason, toxic traits will continue to emerge even when you try and force healing them. Even though I finally discovered the ones I had been suppressing for so long, my subconscious could NOT let them go fully.

I spent weeks still needing that validation of love from my other half, even if we were on a break. Whether that be by doing something small to let him know I’m still thinking of him or to incessantly check my Instagram story to see if he looked at it yet.

Toxic traits are so sneaky! You’re so use to living with them that it can be very hard to catch yourself when you start to utilize them again. Like I said, it’s been weeks and I just started to realize what I was doing after some self-reflection work.

Unfortunately, the universe must have known I had a death grip on my twin flame, and I wouldn’t let go, even when faced with rejection from him. That’s when the universe had to do something a little more hurtful in order for me to finally LET GO. Without revealing that personal piece of our story, I felt my soul release it’s hold; finally.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I have zero control. None of us ever have control in life, but if you’re anything like me, you THINK you do. 😉

Life is an exhilarating ride! It’s unpredictable, and nine times out of ten things do NOT go as you imagine them to. However, there is a ten out of ten chance that if you choose to LEARN from the hardships of life that you will with no doubt come out on the other side of them a better man or woman.

If finally accepting rejection has taught me anything it’s that rejection is a necessary chapter in our lives. Many fear that “accepting” rejection means that you are accepting that you are “not good enough, ” but it does the exact opposite. Accepting it allows you to reflect on how amazing you are, and sometimes it’s not because the other person doesn’t want you. It’s because the other person rejects themselves and is unable to commit to someone as great as you at the moment. This chapter, as scary as it is, has the potential to make you realize your worth. And on the flip side, while none of us are perfect, it also gives you an expanding opportunity to heal parts of you that you didn’t even realize were wounded all this time.

Not all gifts come wrapped in beautiful wrapping paper and a bow. Some come in the form of heartache, pain, and letting go. As far as Brandon and I go, I have always known he is my person, and I wholeheartedly believe we will find a union one day. When that day comes, we will both be healed and whole individuals that can go on to live a long happy life together. Trusting the process is all I can do, and I hope whatever my reader’s situation is, that you can do the same as well. God bless!